promiscuous animosity

i don't think I'll ever be normal after this summer

hell was I ever normal?

if I was then this probably wouldn't have happened to me

such a stupid fucking mistake ruined my life

I fucking larped my way into depression 

I'm so fucking stupid

but maybe it would've gone like this no matter what i did

I remember in elementary school there was this program called Moby max that gave you harder problems based on your skill level. I was ahead of all the other kids, doing cross multiplication and shit. I started bombing the questions just because I was bored.        i never got back to cross multiplication and then proceeded to hate math and struggle in every one of my math classes from that point onward.

I think about that often.

i credit it for why I idf in my math class every year

so maybe its just my nature as a person to ruin my own life

anyway if you look at my profile you would notice that I have no friends

I think its best if i don't make any more relationships

I always hear over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over that "humans are social creatures" but I really don't feel like one, I don't feel the need to talk to people anymore nor the need to let anyone know me. Not after what I've been through, not after that...

so cmon let me see what will happen if I do it for myself 

yk I I didnt just bomb bc I was bored, I also just wanted to see what would happen

also sorry if I make any weird posts like the last one, I get emotional when I'm sleep deprived so don't take it serious