Questioning if I might be autistic

Started thinking about this when I started watching a video pertaining to autism told through LPS as a visual medium a few weeks ago (honestly rather telling if you ask me given it's my current strongest interest and has been for over a year) and no this isn't a 'I only saw one thing and I think I'm autistic' no, I have researched stuff in the past in regard to neurodivergence and I've at least taken a basic general ed psychology course so I know not to act so flippantly about it. But like- I've been under the impression that I'm some sort of neurodivergent. I did my fair share of consistent research about having ADHD and I thought (and still think) it aligns with my experiences that I've had throughout my life, and I've been 'peer reviewed' so to speak (I have two close friends who have been clinically diagnosed with ADHD, and one with autism as well, one AMAB and one AFAB so I see both sides and can clarify for the signs since I know they can vary based on gender, and both definitely think I have adhd). People used to joke that I seem autistic, but I always brushed it off because I'd research it and take the closest thing I could get to a legit test on if I'm possibly autistic to consider getting screened, only for it to say that I'm likely not autistic, and I didn't wanna self-diagnose with something that I'm not super likely to be out of respect for those who are, and I'd go on with my day!

HOWEVER.

This video completely reminded me that autism presents itself differently in women then it does in men, who the diagnostic criteria surrounds (go figure, women being understudied again), and that it also shows up differently in BIPOC ppl (not to mention being underdiagnosed, black women are more likely to be misdiagnosed with a behavioral disorder rather than being properly diagnosed as autistic, what, aggressive black woman stereotype and whatnot). This completely changed the game for me and my research and I started looking again, reddit, tiktok, blogs, etc (no not out of ignorance but genuinely trying to find life experiences to see if I genuinely relate, because I'd hit dead ends with much else when trying to find stuff about autism in women on their own, let alone other black women). 

I was researching for weeks and almost everything I saw lined up, from how I struggled to form and maintain relationships and how the few that I did maintain were typically with other autistic people, struggling with things like anxiety and depression, oversharing tendencies, struggling to show interest or care for things I'm genuinely not interested in, my more introverted nature and having to mentally prepare for social gatherings and such, preferring timeliness and genuinely freaking out or getting very VERY irritable when people don't adhere to a strict schedule. I hate surprises, I take things VERY literally and at face value (like the typical 'Loves routine, hates when it's broken,' thing, I took that literally as in the same day to day routine, which I find boring (maybe the adhd and me craving stimulation) but I was told this can also refer to small things, like doing certain tasks a certain way and not liking to deviate, which I relate to a lot.) This leads to me wanting to ask a lot of clarifying questions to give the right answer (I always struggled with taking the autism tests because of this) but apparently therapists look for this trait in women when screening for autism in us. I also typically cycled through safe foods, have sensory issues, and also had very strong interests that both span for shorter periods of time and interesrs that span literal years (even if they are deemed childish)! That's just a small handful of traits that I exhibit but there's so many more that I could discuss. Hell I didn't even know the autism 'accent' wasn't an actual accent rather than a vocal infliction and it took me ages to find that out, I just took it literally and was confused!

And that's not even mentioning being black on top of that, because not only do I have to worry about masking, but also code-switching as well, and then mental health stuff has always been something we struggled with on top of it, which makes everything even more mentally and emotionally taxing. It's just a lot.

Overall I don't think this is a bad thing, not at all! I'm not upset by the revelation, I'm just glad I possibly have more answers as to why I am the way that I am, as this recontextualizes everything and things that didn't make sense within the context of me being neurotypical or just adhd makes a lot more sense under the context of possibly being a Autism/ADHD combination instead! (Also I forgot to mention that my half brother is diagnosed autistic, I also see autistic traits in my full brother as well, and autism is typically genetic... just saying, another thing on top of all of the thinking and research I'd been doing)