ramble.. ("-ࡇ-) /neg but pos!

i do really like to blog cause its like a diary but like public? i mean it doesnt have to be public but i like the idea of someone coming across this and reading my bullshit lol (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

anywayss.. im going to my aunts wedding next week.. very crazy. i hope it isnt like my cousins wedding were it was a "traditional wedding" and we had to listen to some bullshit the pastor was spouting.. church was already boring as is. plus im not even that close with anyone. i feel judged when im around them, it doesnt feel good. im pretty sure its all in my head but when i do go over there and their "nice" to me it feels backhanded. im pretty sure im just insecure about being around them cause its not like i ever got to know them that well or anything. it feels distant. i know i should probably try to be social but idk. its much better to close myself off instead of trying to and then having to get judged. to be honest, im only going since theres going to be food, itll be good to get out once in a while. since im a shut in lol (ᵕ•᷄ ᴗ•᷅ )

im pretty sure the whole "nice" thing i get from family is that thing where they feel bad for me like "omg guys be very careful with him, hes so mentally ill! aw its okay mentally ill boy!" or maybe im just blowing things out of portion and they are just nice... (ᵕ ó ᴗ ò) 

but yeah! you know what ima eat like a king when im there, and i hope they have some good food!... thing is that ill be there for like two days.. so uh ima have to be there for the after party.. meaning i cant escape and go to an empty room to recharge my introvert mind. i might bring my laptop cause idk.. i love my laptop. maybe ill play stardew when im there so i can escape reality. 

OKAY IM DONE RAMBLING! if you relate to what ive said.. im glad theres other people who feel the same way! it makes me feel less lonely lol! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯