random over sharing on my love life which is technically non existent

Sooo to set the scene i’ve liked this girl let’s call her raindrop (idk that’s so random but moving on) for almost 4 years now, she was my queer awakening and i was curious from the moment i met her. We originally had a frenemies dynamic but this year we’ve grown closer and she’s one of my closest friends. A few months ago one of my friends told me that this girl let’s call her clouds has a crush on raindrop and fyi clouds is probably one of the coolest people i’ve met and i’ve always had an underlying jealousy (don’t get me wrong it’s in an i admire you so so much way) towards her and i’ve seen her and raindrop hang out a lot and had already been jealous so finding this out was absolutely mortifying. Then things get worse because i start actively engaging in conversation with her like going out of my way to do so (for context it’s mainly about a show she got raindrop to watch that raindrop got me to watch and a show i got raindrop to watch and raindrop got clouds to watch). And she is so so sweet and it’s crazy because we are so similar were the same person but in different fonts, this i find out from stalking her reposts (the obvious thing to do). At this point im lowkey obsessed with her im checking her reposts every day and i have a folder on tiktok especially for things she reposted that could apply to raindrop. But then one day im going through her reposts and somethings not adding up because she’s reposting vids which cant relate to raindrop so im like wait wtf THEN a few days later because i’ve been added to her spam on her insta as we become closer i find out it’s actually just a rumour and she doesn’t like raindrop. But despite this i still stalk her reposts because its become part of my routine and she’s very interesting and we like all the same things. Back to raindrop because at this point im starting to realise that there’s a high chance she does like girls and that possibly it could maybe even be me?? Idk the way she acts sometimes i can’t see as straight or platonic. This is when my brain decides to be a little shit, i start losing feelings for her, or atleast i think i do coz i haven’t seen her in a while because of summer holidays but is it possible for me to lose interest because she may like me back. Im not sure. And if that’s not bad enough the universe really wants to play in my face because i start liking clouds and as mentioned previously she likes someone already, someone who is certainly not me or raindrop. So yeah now i’m stuck in this sticky situation and that’s not even including (i’m gonna call her puddle) who is this girl i was assigned to sit next to at the beginning of last school year and she’s also quite cool (in an alt way) and very queer and i’m not sure if i’m just egotistical but she may have slight feelings from me, though i did hear from a friend she likes someone (though this is the same friend that said clouds likes raindrop so maybe she shouldn’t be trusted) because she responded to my insta note of clairo in a way that screams how to hit on another woman and then more recently she asked if we could match green yuri pfps which could be platonic but idk because a second before this she got quite deep about her insecurities anddd idkkkk. Which brings me to where i am rn which is putting of texting clouds because my dumbah thought it would be a great idea to ask her to do this trend with me. 

no one’s gonna read allat but it was nice to get off my chest