Random things i have been told...

Im sorry

i know its bad to remember every single bad thing i have been told and i should forgive ppl and i do, but they sometimes continue doing the same things and im sorry for it bc i think im making them do that

listen im not perfect maybe i deserved some of them

(i might add stuff later idk)

By my mom

"you sound like/dont start talking like (something?)"- when i gathered the courage and told her that i feel slightly embarrased about something, at the end i didnt even tell her what it is

"you cant talk to strangers its not nice" -when i saw someone wear a shirt of something i like and i asked her if i could talk to them, she didnt allow me, but she did allow my sister

By my sister

"you are always embarrasing me"- whenever i want to talk to a person irl

"stop trying to be not like other girls" - idk honestly if this was a joke, i just drank a big bottle of juice and said i cant eat ice cream after that, but i think it was most likely a joke

"stop se***lising me"- bc i told her that her shirt was kind of falling of, i didnt wanna just let her walk around not knowing that i would also wish someone told me that, im so sorry i didnt mean to she is my sister

"you have to wait for me to eat dinner bewfore you eat even if i eat dinner at 12pm" -when she found out i ate one piece of chicken that has been sitting in the fridge for a few days

"you have no social skills" -when i want to talk to someone irl, but everyone who i talked to liked me...

"kawaiiangel is so cute i would always help her and be nice to her, i feel so sorry for her" -when she was playing the game with her friend (her computer is in the same room as mine thats why i heard, not directed at me but what i mean is yeah right "she would feel so sorry")

"stop acting like a toxic man how dare you talk to me like that"-i cant blame her bc she was on her period when she said this, but wait she also said the same thing when she wasnt so i guess i can. When she was insulting me and i told her that she should calm down and i think shes mad bc shes on her period and wouldnt yell for no reason otherwise (she would but i was trying to be nice) if someone told me i would think its a nice thing, like telling me i dont usually act like that (even if she does)

By my cousin

"you sound like (some cartoon villain)" -when  i gathered the courage to tell them that something is troubling me, and told him that sometimes i dont want to be happy but still i do

By my aunt

By my teachers

"your crying disturbs the school peace" -bc i cried and begeged for help bc i wasnt allowed to cry in front of my parents at the time

If you are wondering about how i act irl i act very positive and happy most of the itme, wheather i am or not, ofc sometimes i am sometimes im not, but it would be nice if i was allowed to be sad or anything else or scared.

And now just bc its popular to act sad and its seen as cool no one wants to take me seriously especially since my sister is the "sad" and troubled on in the family... And she gets very angry and upset if someone has a bigger problem than her, or if someone who isnt her has a problem at all. I dont wanna whine but i wanna give you the image of what i have to deal with idk if you even care im so sorry i feel so mean for writing this i knwo my sister is in puberty and it will pass but im sorry i cant ake it sometimes i wanna see if she is even actaully mean or am i just actually seeing things and stupid

She acts like she isnt a phone addict when she is and that she isnt chronically online but she is (like all her friends they also are and act like they are not) and again, when i tell my mom she is on her phone too much its "you are not her mom" and "you cant tell her what to do" and "mind your own business" "who are you to tell her" "stop telling others what to do. She gets so angry when someone who isnt her has a problem like when our younger cousin small talks about school and how annoying studying is she immediately gets angry and talks about how our cousin has no reason and nothing to whine about. She is proud and happy when someone calls her depresse dbc its cool to her. Im not trying to say she doesnt have any problems she does but enjoys the attention of having problems and thinks shes cool bc of it (reminder im not saying im 100% right im just saying how it looks like to me and how it feels) she does have problems but she acts glad and proud and like she is superior and betteer than anyone else bc she has them. She says she has adhd/ocd/anemia/anxiety/depression/anorexia/insomnia/eating disorders/derealisation/depersonalisation/sensitive to noises/every single mental ilness and disorder (she also had a phase where she was "hyper***ual but isnt anymore bc its not cool anymore (it wasnt to begin with))(im not saying she doesnt have them im saying she is treating it like something that makes her better than others) She treats all of that as an aesthetic and something to be proud of, and hates when someone else is suffering. She turned her whole personality into being miserable and i hope its just puberty and that shes ok bc im worried. She got angry and jealous bc some other girl at her school had some disorder. She says she is very sensitive to loud sounds whenever i talk but she yells non stop and plays music really loud. She said she doesnt scroll on social media but she does. She claims characters and tells our cousin she cant like them bc they belong to her. She loves being the victim and treats being a vicitm like something cool. Whenever something is not like how she wants it to be she just screetches and screams and yells until our parents yell at me. I am afraid to go outside with her even with our mom bc she yells non stop when shes talking and my mom gets angry when i comment about ut or tell her it bothers me, she also yells inapropriate stuff outside yes even in frount of our mom and she doesnt care. She also says every single disturbing thing she sees and likes is relatable, and i get extremely worried but she seems very happy when she says it. when i or someon else has any kind of problem she yells "you cant since when is this you this is my thing!!!" Idk what to say anymore basically you get it. I honestly dont think bad mental health is cool or an aesthetic, and is not taken seriously bc of ppl who treat it like that