Rant. Don't have to read, just wanna speak

Sorry for the spelling errors/grammatical errors.

I have a "good" life technically, but I always seem to complain. I feel kind of unwanted when my parents prioritize my younger brothers (middle child) wants, needs, and demands. He gets absolutely everything he wants, if he doesn't get what he wants he loses his mind. He's only 15 and so far everything I know about him is awful. When he was slightly younger he would hit people,  throw objects at people, and yell about everything, he would also constantly bully people. (especially me)  Recently he's been calling me slurs, (f slur) getting into gang activities, yelling so much hes at risk of us becoming homeless and as well as traumatizing my baby brother. (1 year old)  He also as been suspended from school fairly recently and has been banned off of the school buses. He makes holes in the walls and breaks things. When he was a bit younger he would break doors off of there hinges. Hes also lied to me about being gay and was super emotional about it and said he liked his friend, just to turn around and call me an idiot for believing him and then of course calling me the f slur. He stays up all night because he does online school and yells and yells. Hes "run away" from home SEVERAL times, hes even had the police called on him because of it. Hes made my friends run away from me because he would torture them. Years ago he tried to strangle me, hes also almost strangled a kitten. I've seen him yell at cats and sometimes even kick them. I'll probably think of more later idk 

My mother randomly hates me then loves me. I've missed a lot of school because of my mental issues, and she always, without fail, tells me I'm going to put her in jail and get cps called on her and then my baby brother will be taken from her. She'll randomly be super kind to me and be supportive and then within an hour she will yell at me and tell me that I'm delusional. She doesn't support the fact that I'm trans, she disliked it so much that I've developed a mental block to were I'm not sure what I am. I tried to get her to use my pronouns and preferred name, she uses my preferred name but refuses to use anything other then she or they. She always tells me I'm wrong and have no idea what I'm talking about. She will go on Facebook and read about "females" getting gender reaffirming(?) surgeries and regretting it forever. 

I have issues in school to but idk anymore. I'm going to a much better school now but I'm still messed up from the other ones.

I'm genuinely afraid that I'll "snap" and I'm horrified that I might not make it out of it, and I don't know if anyone in my life will really care. My mental health is quite low.

If I talk about it I IMMEDIATELY get thrown into a mental hospital. The first time I ever said anything about my mental health, (2020ish maybe 2021) I got legally kidnapped by a mental hospital and was kept there for 4 days, I'm severely traumatized from it. The second time I tried to say something about my mental health, (2025-2026) a school "counselor" wondered if I was a drug addict because I didn't know my long address, (I have ADHD, I also had recently-ish moved in) and she ignored my request to not be evaluated and thrown into a mental hospital and took me into her office with no lights on except for a bright white light right in my eyes and forced me to "confess" to needing to be put into a mental hospital. She wouldn't let a question go unless I answered yes to it. It took me breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably for my parents to believe me and not her.