(rant) trying to take a break from being chronically online but cant leave the house 🫩

if anyone is reading this sorry the layout makes it hard to read idk how to remove it

Ive gotten into this habit of compulsively checking insta every few minutes because i hope that one of my friends messaged me, none of them ever really do and I get disappointed but I also know if I checked rn and saw a notification I would ignore it and not have the energy to think of a response so this is pretty unproductive honestly

I hate this loneliness and I wish I could spend some time this summer outside of the house or hanging out with literally ANY of my friends but my parents are insanely strict, i dont like to talk to them about my friends because I dont want them to have something to talk to me about and i dont feel like answering all the questions they would have. I say them & they, but really I just mean my dad. If it were just my mom, MAYYYBEEEEEE i Might be able to hang out w some friends every once in a while but my dad has too much power lmao. I can not leave the house without close supervision and permission and all of the information they can get, then the answer very likely would still just be no. i really can not properly descrive how strict it is in here, i actually really just cant leave, at all, period. It is so bad that i spent 5 years!!!!!!!!!!! In online school. It took 5 years of me begging to be let out just to be reluctantly and angrily allowed to go to school my junior year of hs and I am about to be a senior.

ANYWAY, none of the friends that I have now dont care for me very much and im losing them like a really old person in a casino loses money, and i want to get over my habit of checking instagram every few seconds. Getting over that habit means sadly accepting that i cant telepathically force people to talk to me, and so people will probably not talk to me at all, which is really horrible for the mind. Isolation is absolutely terrible and i feel like im reliving the days of online school this summer because i went through the same thing where id loaf around all day checking instagram to see zero notifs and then tweak out bc every day is the same and im miserableeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did notttt need to live through ts again 😞 Which is why I made an account here. I hope to meet a lot of new people to talk to, but im not good at talking to new people. It takes months for me to get comfortable enough to really yap

Another way im trying to cope is reading and watching more shows. This upcoming week I will watch every show and every movie that has ever existed and I will actually read the books that i spent money on a few weeks ago.

One more thing, planning an escape. Originally I wanted to move out as soon as I graduate highschool but that is super unrealistic because I can not get a license (would want to drive out of the city) and i can not get a job until i am 18 years old (if you wonder why, remember my parent in the picture) and graduation is only 1 month after my birthday. For the paat few months i have been trying to think of a well thought out plan on moving out, what all should i do beforehand, should i spend years at community college before I move or would i lose it, if i do go to college then what should i study, what job should i get that pays me more than 2 cents and a paperclip per week, will i have roommates, who would be my roommates, what will my budget be, where would i even move, etc. 

So yeah I have plenty more things to obsess & drive myself crazy over than silly old instagram! A variety, even, so that makes it a lot more fun for me. It gets really, really exhausting to focus on the same one thing for too long although I have a tendency to do that

SIGHHHHHH

does anyone have any more hobby suggestions? I dont really like anything? I dont like drawing or playing instruments or playing games (all the games cost money that i dont have anyways) or "creating"