Rant/Burnout: Life and work stuff.

I'm sorry I haven't posted the past few days I have been having a terrible week this week. It's been one of those weeks that really makes me step back and think about my choices in life and work. 

I've been in retail for 7 years now, 2 in sales as an assistant manager and 5 in regular retail giants. I used to think that maybe what effected me the most was the store itself. but after 3 different stores I think it's just retail in general that's wearing me down. I honestly miss working from home. While I enjoyed my time working in phone sales the most out of all the retail jobs I will say the phone company was my favorite because 1. I had a lot more control over my schedule, when I took my lunches, who I spoke to ect ect. It was a lot more freedom for a lot higher pay than where I am now. But the customers could be so mean. if you couldn't get them the phone they wanted, if they had an outstanding bill you couldn't make disappear, or if you didn't have keys to the rest of the store. It wore me down over time.

But where I am at now seems to be the worst of all. It's the lowest paying job I've ever had. But it's one of the hardest I have ever done. I'm stuck as a cashier which normally wouldn't be to different for me. But this store has some of the meanest customers I have ever experienced. 

I've tried being the nicest I can be but it genuinely has been a struggle. The schedule has me all over the place I miss having actual structure. I miss when things made sense. But on top of all of that I am so tired of people screaming at me about prices, refunds, not having ID for something or even just because I don't have an item or I can't leave to show them an item that is EXTREMELY easy to find if they actually looked at the HUGE signs hanging above it. 

I haven't been feeling the best the past few days. I thought maybe I was sick but honestly I just think I am finally exhausted enough to feel it. It's gotten so bad I have had more bad dreams about work than anything else and I honestly don't know what to do. I can't quit because it took absolutely forever to find this job. It took 7 months, 1500 applications and 23 interviews before I finally found something. It's one of those things even if my mental health matters more right now there is just not an option. It sucks because it doesn't even leave me with enough to have any left after bills. I honestly feel like I have been drowning for months. 

I just want one work day where I don't have to redo hours of work because someone cannot be bothered to actually do their job. I want a day where I am at least respected. I want a day where it's not me alone managing the phones, the clothes, the customers, the returns, making sure people don't steal stuff and all while only getting a lunch and no breaks and no gaurented time to go to the freaking bathroom of all things. 

I just want to be happy with what I do. But I feel like I hate retail but I can;t escape it I am so over this week.