rant/vent i guess…

so i dont really rant or anything but i kind of just need to get this off my chest/get some advice if its not super mean lol. for context i would say i have dreams every night and i usually remember a good portion of them, dont know why but theyre usually super vivid. some of my dreams are normal random bullshit go type stuff or like related to video games or something, and a lot of them involve people i know. 

another piece of context that id like to mention, that i have this really bad habit of idk demonizing my exes in some ways in my mind. its like i only remember every bad thing thats ever happened during our relationship and their bad traits or the end near the breakup, but i slowly start to resent them for a really long time. sometimes it makes me feel nauseous when i think about them. so basically the subject is my last ex (we broke up in february) i wouldnt say we had an amazing relationship, honestly i was doing charity work (all my friends did not like him) i dont think hes a great guy but hes definitely not the worst guy out there but whenever i think about him it just makes me sick. anyways i finally blocked him because i couldnt even stand to see his face in his instagram pfp. also he has a goatee now (ew ew ew) (mark of the devil). 

back to the dreams thing, my mind has a way of taking something i hate or makes me uncomfortable and cranking it to a trillion and mixing it with my greatest fears. anyways last night i dreamt that i stumbled upon a youtube video of him and it was “why my ex made me a better man” and the whole plot was that i was mentally ill and he realized he cant change me so he had this fucking epiphany that he should better himself or whatever. then halfway through it hes like “anyways 10 weeks later i got a new gf shes so much better!” i genuinely dont know because all i remember is my blood boiling. and i remember dream-me commenting something about strangling him until his stupid goatee popped off. i hate goatees 

anyway basically i just need to stop being miserable about a man i dont want or care about anymore