reality??? is weird

like am i even real? am i someone?? what if this is all a dream, what if people actually notice me? i'm very conflicted and confused and really i'm scared because i realize that my actions do really have consequences. i've always known, yes, but sometimes i get Aware of these things in a horrible way. and now is one of those times. why can't i just be happy and flap my hands about my blorbos or whatever why do i have to be a real man& why do i have to even exist??? i do enjoy living but i don't enjoy all the meaning tied to it right now. it means too much. too much happens. i wish it was slow forever. -sunny