Reflection (The Life and Death of a Childhood Friendship)

I want to give this journal entry a bit of context. 

I had this friend who I'll call Amy. I don't want to use their real name or their online name for the sake of privacy. 

Amy and I had a rough on again off again toxic friendship. In the moment, we felt like us lashing out at each other when we're ticked off at each other. Our biggest fights revolved around them dismissing into my abandonment issues with their lack of communication. And I say this because I also never properly communicated them.

The Entry:

Friends are the people you hold nearest to your heart. Not my friend. We hold each other by our throats. Constantly in a cycle of abandonment and nostalgic longing. One minute, we get tired of each other and in a dramatic wave of anger, we furiously wish each other farewell. A minute later, we welcome each other back with open arms. Call us psycho, we both know we are. As I sit back and ponder the memories, I sit with them on FaceTime discussing everyday life, our trauma, and everything in between. They are my best friend, and I don't know what I would do without them... I'd probably have to get a new backup therapist.

Another frequent issue we had was our friendship was hardly friendship based but more so codependent therapist based if this makes sense. Moving forward with my life, I know I don't want a friendship like this again.