Reinventing myself.

All the times I've spoken up about my problems, they all say the same thing. To be patient, that I'm better than this, better than them. Worse: if you're suffering now, imagine how shit would be like in the future. And allll the other excuses to blatantly ignore the issue at hand, because they really don't want to deal with this teen's burden. The teen is the burden, lol. Well, so far, It's gotten me nowhere and the guys won't stop until I fucking do something. How long will I let myself get beaten stupid? So damn stupid, that even those who see the evidence turn their gazes away as if I'M the one throwing the punches?! How long will I reassure their violence by staying pliant? How long will I let myself screw this shitty life over?

I was going to be a somebody. Great or not, I was going to be a somebody atleast for myself. I hung out with friends, joined clubs, I had real passions, I was fucking happy, and now I can't even do that peacefully without dodging certain corners or as simple as eat lunch because of them. As I started to get my life together again, it's like they swatted through my door with their rifles and I'd say it's the worst fucking thing that's ever happened to me. They made me bite the butts of it. Whatever goes at home doesn't even COMPARE. I've never wanted to just fucking end it all more than this. School atleast was a refuge from the forlorn feeling at my parents', but now I dread the same two places, and there's nowhere to go. No path but my own bleeding footsteps that drags me backwards and back to where it all fucking started.

I can't take all that precious time back. Fuck them and fuck this shit, I'm so, so tired. They're going to kill me someday. I can feel it. They won't stop and they're going to kill me. The idea doesn't seem too bad, but I'd rather kill myself than them getting to me first. But that's what he would say, right? He sets me back. He makes me weak. All his sentimental shit makes me look like the fucking freak. I'm the right one. I will do something about it. I'm on my own and that's the only way I can save myself. I will do something about it.