sad

everyone always says theyre here for me when i need them but then when i get depressed and try to steer myself away from being sad (not mentioning that im sad bc im just trying to NOT be) my friend has to leave me on seen when i try to talk to her (not even just one person either like multiple bruh) like irl u dont just not respond when someones having a convo w you hello? i try to ignore it but like am i not worth replying to? or are u just too good to? im going insane i feel so alone when i have friends. The only friends i care about dont seem to care about me or care about other friends that we know way more. I feel so unlikable and unattractive. No one cares abt me to the extent that I care about everyone else, no one asks me specifically to hang out like literally ever. Im always asking and i feel annoying. no ones ever asked me out, and ive never been hit on, like not even by desperate men. Not that I want that, but i genuinely feel pathetic. this whole thing feels cringy to even say. I wish i liked people more, stuff like this makes me not like anyone ever. Especially people my age i literally hate everyone my age basically. No one is mature even when they think they are, probably including me. Most of the people i feel connected to are family members like 20-40 years older than me which is just sad.. i want to disappear bro. The thing they say no one cares till ur gone is genuinely true. People speak so highly of me but then want nothing to do with me at the same time. This is all sorts of mixed up writing here, goodnight.