School started up!! Maybe don't read

Hihi!! New blog, new layout (premade), new month!! Sorry for the upcoming yap

School has started back for me, and it's been going OK actually. I know I try to focus on the positive here, but I'm an unbearable crybaby irl, not that that's necessarily the worst thing, but still. First day was a bit of a wreck, my friend wanted to get to school early so I basically got my get ready time cut in half so I was rushing. I wear a lot of rings usually  mainly so I don't pick at my actual fingers and make them bleed, but they also make me happier- but alas I forgot them. That's okay though, but in my rush I also wore the wrong uniform. It's fine, I can deal with it all, sorry this post is so negative- I'm trying to frame it as positively as I can but this is just what happened. Anyways, my friend started scolding me about taking too long to get ready and wearing the wrong uniform, not studying over break, ect, so I just kind of cried, but then I felt worse for making her feel responsible for my tears. It's all OK, I try my best to calm myself before school, it was a four hour day and I cried for like two entire classes so like half the day. Pathetic, I know, but I just couldn't stand it. My teachers are used to it by now, they don't usually ask if I'm okay anymore. It's fine, got home, cried a little then too. Over all, it was a pretty good day considering nobody made note of my incorrect uniform and all my friends were there, there was even a new girl- who I thought was really nice, I'm trying to befriend her.

Then a complete day! For my first full day, I cried before school, but not during it- which was impressive considering I had my least favourite class that I usually just can't contain my tears in. Essentially, met up with my friend to walk to school, the usual. A bit of joking about how I was late AGAIN, not that I really minded. Then I make a joke about myself, about the crybaby thing and all. Why is that not ok to joke about? My friend got all serious and she started talking about how I just need to try more, how I DECIDE to not like the idea of school in the morning, how I should just keep trying breathing and drinking water, how I need more sleep, eating and excercise. It's true, all these things would help, but I've tried them before and I STILL try now, so that got me a bit upset. But still, I don't want to be upset with a friend over nothing, I try to say what's wrong so we can sort it out. So I say "hey, I know all these things help and you're not wrong, but it frustrates me when people tell me that because I do try all of these things and sometimes it feels like you're invalidating my feelings by suggesting something physical is the problem instead of my mental state" maybe a bit harsh, but I never mean it that way. I don't know, she started talking about how these things helped her when she struggled with things I won't talk abt on here because that's her privacy but idk, that still got me upset because I keep saying that YES she is better than me and she's more reasonabl3 and copes better and knows what to do, but our situations are not the same and everytime I'm sad she brings up her own struggles- which of course are valid, but I don't think she understands me as much as she claims to. I cried again, but it's ok bc I calmed down before school and didn't cry during it. Today went well, I was happy, no tears (surprpisingly).

Sorry for the negative post!! I'll try not to let it happen again and I apologise if I dampened your mood

BLOG LAYOUT CREDITS TO MyBailey