self inflicted struggle: repeating cycle

everyday i wake up in a sea of my farm animal stuffed animals. i think back to the night before (or a few hours prior) and try to remember what happened. most of the time i can remember, occasionally i cannot. i typically lay there for 45 min - 1hr 30min (sometimes 2hr 30 min, and sometimes even longer) before i get up to start my day. after i finish my morning routine (screaming the serenity prayer and pacing anxiously), i make some tuna salad and watch BL (or doomscroll short-form video content to avoid the reality of my life). eventually the real world is something i need to confront (so i can continue to pay for my life of pleasure) and i get ready to work, which may include doing laundry (which i should have started earlier), taking a shower (prob needed it), or just putting on my dirty clothes from the night before and touching up the eyeliner i've had on for 72hrs. i make my way to my job where i (redacted) for the rest of my evening. most nights im lucky and i have an 1hr 30min after work where i can go to the bar and play rummy. although sometimes i engage in masochistic behavior (going to the club).