Selfish

I am selfish, there's no way I'm not
everything I do is in some way for myself, I can't help it. even if I'm trying to help someone else, I feel like I'm just trying to make them feel better so I don't have to deal with it anymore, so I can go back to whatever I was doing before.

I don't know why I'm like this, I mean, is it even still kindness if you are doing it for yourself? I don't know.

I don't even know if it's just my head telling me this, or if everyone else somehow just doesn't see it, but I'm sure someone would have had to notice by now, right? it feels so obvious, so obvious that I am just a selfish, terrible, awful person.

I don't belong in a world with so many people better than me, it's just not right for someone as disgusting as I am to exist. I just know deep down I don't belong anywhere, I will always be an outsider no matter how much I try, something for people to look at and say "at least I'm not them"

What a pathetic existence I have, I don't think it could be worse at this point.

But it's probably just my head getting to me again, anyway I'm probably going to bed after I post this, so goodnight :)