Sick

I'm tired out of my mind so absolutely sick. I'm also paranoid so that doesn't necessarily help because now I feel like my prolonged sickness might be a symptom of something bigger, but that's just me being paranoid and honestly a giant baby.

Being sick is quite scary now. I'm sort of living independantly with a few crutches here and there but I refuse to ask for any help. That's consistent about me. I hate asking for help. My parents and I have even had fights about this but well, this is something I am working on. I do ask for her soemtimes and only to one person so far: My girlfriend. They're helping and they're well aware that I have this issue but they never try to force it out of me. I like that. I like feeling like I have some control in my own life. I mean, who would live being constantly nagged at about this. Okay ykw, this rant sounds privileged as fuck. 

Anyway, apart from all that. If you couldn't tell already, control is a massive thing for me. So when I get sick like this. I tak emy medication and refuse to take any rest. In fact I feel like when I'm sick, I'm a lot more motivated to do stuff. To clean. To engage in my hobbies. To organize my day. Whatever I can do to avoid laying on the bed and feeling helpless. Of course, I can only do so much because my body protests. 

That got me thinking about how as I get older and physically need to rely on others, I feel liek I'm going ot be a royal pain in the ass. I'm particular about things when it comes to others helping me if ever, so I feel like if there's someone who tries to take care of me, that would irritate me further.

My god this is a negative blog. I swear I'm not this annoying all the time. 

Okay that's it, bye <3