Silence

TW: SH 

I dont even know how to start this one. Everything feels like its falling apart again and the silence is getting louder.

My bfs mom found out about us. She found out that hes dating a trans girl and since theyre super religious, she absolutely lost it. Now hes basically on lockdown. From what I know, theyre monitoring everything he does, checking his phone, probably hovering over him every second hes awake. I havent heard from him in a while now and the not knowing is actually eating me alive. It feels like he was just ripped away and I have no way to reach him or tell him Im here. It just sucks so much that his family would do this just because of who I am.

And on top of all that, Ive been trying to find a way to start HRT. I just want to feel right in my own skin for once, but it feels like the universe is against me. There are almost zero options in my area. Like, actually none. The closest place that could even help is way too far away, and I just cant get there. It’s like I’m trapped in this body and trapped in this town and there’s no exit sign anywhere.

Im back to the old habits again. The numbness is back and the only thing that makes it stop is the sting. Im just sitting here in my room, staring at the wall, wondering why everything has to be this hard. I just wanted some happiness, but it feels like Im just waiting for more bad news.