simply not caring about other people

i cannot for the live of me give more than one singular fuck about other people. i think ive posted about something like this before but whatever

i think this is why so many people dislike me or act weird around me... i can never be more entertained than how i am with myself. another person simply cannot be level with or be higher than how i view myself. i am my best man, i am my funniest friend, i am my world, i love myself deeply (while hating myself in some regards) and i just cannot bring myself to like anyone else. i dont fit into the standards of what a friend or a son or a human is even meant to be and so people hate me. but i am naturally far more inclined to a lovely solitude.

i do try to have romantic relationships with people sometimes, and i try to build friendships and laugh with others but they never please me enough. everyone else has some sort of problem that makes me dislike them; they're too ugly, or they eat too loud, or they don't talk well, or more rational things to be mad about like a lack of communication or toxicity that they bring. i see everyone else as a little less than how i see myself. 

i feel perfectly fine being alone and entertained by myself; i feel like i should yearn for deeper relationships and for someone to see me, but that need is shallow. i only really need a primary friend to spill all of my thoughts to; other than that there is no love or connection, and i feel guilty for not being able to give that to them. love, connection, and that sort of positivity simply isnt something i have for anyone within the human race.

dont get me wrong i think that talking to others is important but everyone is just so ugly and boring and terrifically stupid that outside of the basic needs of 'lets talk to someone so i dont tunnel vision myself into insanity' i just have no need for them. 

i do get annoyed at myself for feeling this way. i wish i could love because people love me and i just.. dont care for them. i dont actively choose to be like this but it feels unfair to them. i wish i cared about others more. but i spend time alone and realise how much i love myself and how little i love others and then that guilt quickly goes away. i love myself and my lonely little life and i only like interacting with people online.