Sleep is my enemy.

I barely could sleep today and I know I would probably crash later and wake up in the middle of the night lol. I planned to work on some slenderman designs this evening though, thinking of putting him on a mortician's wardrobe. Or simply a funeral mourner's with like a veil over his (lack of) face, that'd be awesome as fuck. But considering my more-than-fucked sleep schedule, I'll probably work on it super late.

I ate some nasi uduk for breakfast and motherfucker, it tasted like a scam. There was a whole pit of tempeh more than the actual fucking rice and the fried onions, but you know what, I'm grateful to be eating. It wasn't too sinful but... I would've made myself some food instead. No, actually, I'd risk burning the whole damn kitchen. The nugget incident, uh... we don't talk about that, yeah? I am chef. Seriously, I've been working on it for the past few days! 

Back into whatever sleep was, I've been dreaming of car crashes lately and get really disappointed when I wake up. Like I'm forced into a loop, except it's for suicidal people for their personal hell and not a super intelligent code cracker who wants to break out of the system. It's torture, to watch myself die but never dying. Never getting what I want, not even in my fucking dreams hahah. Like I said, dreams are for when reality isn't giving, but in my dreams... my want is being used against me, and their giving is pure sadism. But who am I pleasing? God? I killed God summers ago. 

I find Him at the edge of my bed every night. Always sewing and making things, carving lines on his wrist to imitate our veins. Wanting to be true as humans are. I talk to Him sometimes, but He's dead to me.

Looks like I'm never fucking driving.