so exhausted

that's the deal now i guess

won't you give me more reasons?

everything is so cold but i guess that's what i have always wanted, so i'm getting what i wanted all this time

i wish you were here, things would be easier

do your parents hate me? i know the answer

do my parents hate me? i know the answer

i'll wait for your phone call probably till i'm dead 

and i won't care if i can't sleep, if i bail my eyes out, because that's just who i am, who i am supposed to be. 

I am more scared that we let this die like it's nothing because it's not nothing to me. it's everything. you have been everything for 10 months almost. 

why didn't we think this before? i mean i did. shit i'm so stupid. i ignored it just to live happily for(ever?) some time at least. maybe that's too selfish, i should've said no

i'm scared you'll be here anyway after all.

i'm scared you'll torment me after everything.

I'd feel guilty, i'd feel like i owe you, big time.

this is the deal, i guess. 

does switzerland makes you sick? spain? italy? maybe germany? maybe france? i'd never go without thinking of you. i wanna kiss your face there, but i guess it's too late now and we won't have Rome or Paris, Zürich or Berna, Madrid or Berlin. i'll have them all but they'll taste bittersweet.

i caught you looking too, but maybe i shouldn't have looked.