social dysphoria and AuDHD (ignore if you're not trans or don't know anyone close that's trans)

i came out as trans around a month and a half ago now and i still haven't gotten around to messing around with makeup or even trying to unlock my woman voice at all. 

no matter how much it hurts, i can't get any motivation to make any effort to try to make myself look more feminine or sound more feminine at all. 

worst part is, feeling like shit destroys my motivation and dysphoria makes me feel like shit, so it just feels like my own head just won't let me do anything about it at all just because i have it. i barely even have any clothes that look feminine yet, so it's not like i can make an outfit either.

being seen as a man at all is just destroying my mental and at this point, i might end up agoraphobic at some point if i don't do anything about it asap.

i just need to know if there's a way to get my head to just agree with me for at least one fucking thing.

on a positive note, i did get makeup while i was out with my bestie yesterday and some brushes too. still lacking the motivation to use any of it, but at least i have it. i also got perfume finally which is actually really helping with the dysphoria a lot, so i have something to avoid crying for now.

i'ma go to sleep for now, i feel like shit.