Sometimes I wish I could end things

I feel like it would be easier that way, but theres so many "what ifs?" What if it didn't work and I get stuck in a fucking mental hospital? I don't think I could handle the shame of walking into school, everyone knowing how selfish I am. Or and if everyone forgets about me? What if I just become another page in the year book? A memory soon forgotten by everyone else? Something to say "Hey! Don't be like this fucking loser and tell the counselor!" Just a whisper of gossip that would soon fade away. It would break my families heart, my grandma already prays for me. Do I really need that? I wonder how my friends would react. The wrong name written out on a flier, my brother's reputation would be ruined. 

I wish I were born a man