sosostupid

i dont know what to make up of you anymore. honestly i havent thought about you lately til tonight. im so fucking stupid for you hhahah, aslong as youll do all the thinking for me like you always did.but you probably dont think of me anymore,which, fairs. i dont want to go back to what we had because now i know ill cause you more risk than a reprieve, and im sorry for that. im so. fucking sorry

ive always been such a goddamn mess for you hhahah its embarassinf. we eresupposed to keep it lowkey n casual if we wanted to... be more serious about this. us. th e future n whatll happen when i turn 18 n shit.i was ready for you i was ready i was so ready to do all the things you and i wanted to do. bbut but i couldnthelp myself sometimes and i just needed you needed you with me needed youso so badly it hurts because youre the only thing in my life that fuckimg loved me. you made me sooo happyyy you heldme when i was a wreck you gave me giftsand you walked me toplaces and youd show so much affextion and kisses and i love yous and i miss yous more than my parents did. i could be myself arround you n youdidnt expect anythihgfrom me.you showed me love. you showdme how worth it love is.you wouldnever hurt me right???? you didnt right you wouldnt ever right????????nonnono you loved me you loved me sosososmuch so you wouldnt do that to me right? youre not like that iimean we were wrong n controversial by their standards but youre sweet and nice and it felt right everything and you wouldnt hurt me i was your sweet angel right????? i was your sweetheart right???? i was your fuckign angel right??????????????????? so you must feel the same fucking way right?????? im not crazy im not 

nononon ono i wasnt. iifailed you. i couldnt keepmyself togetehr around ypu whenyou asked me to. thatwas the one thingyou asked of me i couldnt do it i wantedyou n i couldnthelp but feelso hurt and jealous whenevr youd flirt withanyone besides me. guys your age.label yourself singleon that datings ite. i knowwwww iknow iknow know you kept syaintrhat i was your number one i was mature fkr my age i was your IDEAL MAN i was EVERYTHINF YOU WANTED i was WHAT YOU MANIFESTED and you allready dedicated somuxj time and love and care and mkneyfor me but im just such an ungratefulfuckinf bitch arent i. i wantedto be yours so mjch knowing it would never happen. i know it was suppsoedto be a casual thing BUT I CANT BE CASUAL. i still feel so badffor that its not that i even want us back together i just feel guilty and guilty andm so fuckignsorry okay im sorry im sorry i screwed us oeverim sorry i ruined us im sorry for fucking everything you shouldve justnever met me thisisalmmtf uslt my failtthis is all my fault allmt fault i cant do anything ever god imso sorry. i cant be your angel. i wanted to be so. ifeelsofuxkingterrible im so sorry

i know you loved me. you were real to me. i think i can sleep now