Stupid ass family

Lots of tws mentions of abuse/sa this is purely me ranting somewhere to avoid self destruction<3

I hate my family so much, I hate being anything like them, I hate the bits of myself that's like them but I wish they were like me if that makes sense.

 I've been failing most of my classes since middle school started and just passed along with the system, whenever I mention it to my mom she's disappointed but does nothing to scold me, 

I've never been actally grounded or had my phone taken away or hell even went through,  I got groomed a shit ton online and now there's naked pics of 8 year old me I'll never get back,

 I think she's just happy I'm not like my big brother when he was my age because when he was my age he was like stealing her bear and getting shitfaced and high and was violent and loud and a crash out, he still is but y'know, last year he split my head open, he hasn't done anything like that in a while, I hate that I forgave him so fast, he made jokes afterwards as I went to school with bruises on my face and the worst headache. I hate him so much genuinely.

I'm quiet self destructive, shove everyone away till the think I hate them or get bored and leave, I've never officially ended a friendship I just get forgotten about and I think my mom takes that as me being 'easy'.