I woke early to watch the sun rise, it's something I've wanted to do for a while but I didn't have a comfortable place to watch it and I never really wake up early enough...Today though I woke up and didn't feel the weight of the many things that have been on my mind lately. I heard birds when it was dark and I haven't heard those since I was too young to care about birds. They were gone one the sky got lighter in shade but I had the chance to hear them and I'm so happy about it. It's really cloudy and I probably won't be able to see the sun rise clearly but I think I'm fine with that. I mean, I'm literally on my roof, drinking coffee, listening to music, with my favorite hoodie on, covered by my favorite blanket, and writing a blog about how I feel. This feels sort of perfect for now. Either way my school is doing a senior sunrise thingy I am very excited for and it feels like a milestone of sorts. I still can't believe I'm a senior but at the same time it makes perfect sense for me to finally be here. I am worried for the future but it's things like what I'm doing right now that make it worth it worrying so much. Yesterday was my brothers birthday and I had fun, it was very nice and comfortable. Today I am going to an event I saw on social media with my family, there is going to be live music and a few vendors. I am happy about going to new places, it's an effort I've only started to make this year and so far I'm very satisfied with the amazing places I've gotten to visit and many other places I got to see on the way there. I have started to make a bucket list for my senior year and I think so far I've done none of the things but I have an inkling that even if I don't cross out everything, I will still be satisfied at the end. There is so much I could do in my current position and I want to do it all. I want to add "while I can" but I'll always be able to. before I used to feel like school would hold me back and I still feel like that a bit but I mostly feel like I shouldn't let the "serious" things in life stop me. I don't like the expectations I get from school even if what we are doing is something I would normally like, that doesn't mean I enjoy it in that very moment. It feels like school is trying to take all of my joys and contort them into some sort of discipline example that I know I don't fit. I like waking up early because I can, not for any responsibility, and I like reading, not boring textbooks that have a biography I would have naturally gravitated towards if it weren't for the dread of an assignment. This kind of expectation unmotivates me so muchhh. In sophomore year, the guy that used to be the librarian became a temporary english teacher, and while I'm sure he was a nice man to have a chat with, he knew me because I was always at the library or checked books out to read a lot. He became a bit expectant of me, I read so much he probably thought I loved English or something. The issue was when he would constantly pick me for reading out loud, and explaining everything to the class. I love analyzing a story or a piece of text but my English classes straight suck the life out of me rather than the marrow of life. It reminded me of an unpleasant experience I had in Sunday school. The point is I don't like that kind of pressure. But I've been enjoying my life recently and luckily I don't have many teachers like that. It's so cloudy I couldn't see the sunrise but it's really nice up here, I want to lie down forever (blink, blinkblinkblink). I have to write an essay and turn it in tomorrow so I have to LOCK IN tonight. But yeah guy, go wherever whenever you can and want, there is so much out there, especially if you've lived in a city your whole life but never explored it.
I'm trying to write everything I'm thinking down so yeah hope you enjoyed :pp
sam67 OUT
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