Swarming Angels, love her

As the angels surround me,

Cooing rings through my ears,

It's all meaningless, I know they really don't want me,

But I know what I want.

I want to be nothing more than a memory, to be gone,

My existence, purely wiped from this universe,

Being forgotten hurts, yet soothes me with its promises.

The angels arms closing in on me,

There's only so much time left.

Make up your mind, please,

As I accept my fate,

I understand there is no going back,

No changing your mind, it's done.

It's the true way, of being who I want to be, isn't it?

Memories flash through my eyes,

Do I really want to go through with this?

I remember your words, our conversations, the words I had told you,

I meant all of it, aviator.

Although you must've let go of me, you're lingering in my heart,

Which is darker than any atmosphere of this world,

I do see you as an angel, but you aren't surrounding me. 

As time passes by, I realize there aren't many days left.

I know it's what I have to do,

Please stay strong, 

I never got your name. And if I did, you'd be my last breath, whisper, word.

Though I close my eyes, and remember, I may never see her again. 

I slowly, reluctantly let myself fall into this heaven,

I'll pray on my knees, to never see you where I am right now, 

I'll love you until this world ends,

And there's no such thing as an "Earth".

This isn't a romance poem, when I refer to a girl, I'm talking about one of my friends I had contact cut off with, I think about her everyday, I mourn the things we could've done. I wish I could hear her voice one last time, her stupid outfits that fit her sweet personality. Our views were pretty different, but that didn't break us apart. I wish I had gotten her name. Honestly, I'd become religious just for her, and I don't believe in any of that stuff. We were both depressed when we spoke, we helped each other. I can't help her anymore. That was the best part of my day to be honest, seeing her notification pop up, seeing her vent to me, I felt worthy for once. I got the chance to save her, to comfort her when anything went wrong. I'm happy she felt safe enough to come to me, it was an odd feeling;

I'm so used to being cold to people, hurting them any chance I get, but with her, something changed in me, it was like if I said anything cruel to her, MY world would end. Dear god I miss her so much, I'm so worried for her. I gave her a fake name, and I feel horrible. I wish I had given her my real name. She talked me out of ending my life, I talked her out of it too, and now what? I have to either write poems to somehow express myself, or I hold it all inside. My apologies for such a depressing post, but honestly, time's ticking. 

Online friends really do fuck you up, which is why I refrain from making any these days. I'll write a poem or make another post about my other online friend that also broke me, Max. But for now, I'm focused on this girl. I pray to whatever god there is, she doesn't leave this world and we find each other once again. I don't care how, I just need to talk to her, even if it's the last time I'll ever see her.

Although I have the chance to message her, (I have her tiktok account username memorized), something's holding me back. I'm worried I'll make the conversation awkward, she thought I ended my life, how am I supposed to tell her I didn't? Plus, I don't want to do this again when that time actually comes. 

I miss her rants about that dog, Pibble. She told me everything about the Pibble Palace, dear god it hurts. I miss all of her, I hope she knows how much I love her. Even if she thinks I'm dead. I remember how we met. I commented on one of her poems, or I liked the video, or both. She followed me and I followed her back, she started to send me videos to which I replied to by sending stuff back and replying to her videos. Max and I also met that way. I miss her stupid cat. Kallie. We both had calico cats who had names ending in "llie".

I really want to talk to her again, I can't bare this feeling anymore. I remember her piano covers, I miss all of it so fucking much, she allowed me to request songs, and I did. She was talented. I really wonder if she still loves me or misses me, she made a post about me, so I'm assuming so. Holy talkative, but it's fine, no one really knows me on here, so I feel like I can make posts about anything. 

I remember both of her usernames. I remember what she's said to me. I remember all of it, and I hate but love it. I want to forget her, so I can stop feeling this misery every day. But I don't want to forget her because of how she's changed me. April 12th, 2026, the day I last heard from her. I know it may not seem that long, but I feel that only some people can understand me.

Oh, besides my poem being about her, it's also about suicide. (If you couldn't tell, hahah). 

I'd love to write more, but I want to stop crying my pathetic ass off. Thanks for reading all of this crap, if you did.