the big picture - blog #1 ━━ . °‧(๑•᎑•๑)

it's the second week of school and at first i was like "im going to make the most of it! its sophmore year! im at a new school so im a new character and i can be whoever i want to be!" but then i got hit with reality and remembered i'm the shyest person ever. being surrounded by people who all know each other and have established friend groups feels a bit alienating when you're the new kid that has no chance of getting picked up by some extrovert and have all you're problems solved by hanging with them/their friend group. every 2-3 years i move states and it's exhausting having to deal with the same issue every time. like- im incredibly aware that i dont look easy to approach and im definetly not the most out-going person and year after year i dont fix myself. I went rollerskating 3 days ago and it made me remember that when i was around 3rd-4th grade(?) i was in this celadon colored library with a chessboard in front of me and i was being told that i was focusing too much on the little actions in the chess game, that i should put my focus on the "big picture" instead. that memory hasn't left my head since i remembered it and i think it's finally working it's way into how i put myself in the world. I've been trying to focus on the big picture. that high school, especially in an area i'll move away from once im 18, shouldn't matter or make me so scared of awkward first meetings, being alone, trying to find friends, etc. i mean i always tell others to express themselves, to not let themselves be held back, and stuff but why did i never apply that to myself? whenever i look back at the memories in where i was too afraid to talk to someone, ask for help, or whatever- i always find myself regretting it. there's another timeline where i'm not someone who's afraid of everything and didn't let myself miss so many opportunities i had offered to me and i want to stop wishing for that timeline and actually do something to make it this ones reality. plus, nothing comes from making myself hide so why do it?

SO!! holy yap. I walked with this girl from PE to art class together. we talked about our weekends and then it ended with us talking about skateboarding. she's really big into marvel and even though i barely know anything about marvel i've been trying to get into it with the time i'm willing to spend on it(I saw the new spiderman movie it was AWESOME. i'm excited for the new X-men(?) movie to come out as well even though its coming out in 2028 i think). rest of the school day was pretty nothingburger :P. i'm usually by myself the whole day at school but it's kind of relaxing. at home i usually do errands with my dad in town, have dinner together when we get home, and then lock myself in my room the whole rest of the day and play guitar or some other hobby. 

also i went to a local music show on saturday and it was SO awesome. all the bands did such amazing jobs and i also got to meet the drummer for The X-Flowers (local band who was one of the bands there preforming)! I want bands succeed SO BAD so i do whatever i can to support them. They also had signed CDs and appearal but i didn't know where the merch table was,,, but next time i go to a local show im DEF buying merch. 

saw this bird on the way to school it looked like it belonged in an indie video game

ALSO MY TREE CITY SESSIONS 2 CD CAME IN AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH UGGHHH also peep the collection and also my cat, biskit