"The birds don't fly this high..." (10/30/2026)

...I have had a very, very tumultuous week. Part of me doesn't want to talk about it but it might help if I write about it. 

First off: Grandma is still dying. It pains me to hear about it. Everything surrounding her has just been so drawn-out and painful. Last I heard everyone had mutually decided to leave her alone, the reasoning being that their mere presence was probably why she was (voluntarily? Involuntarily?) clinging to life. 

Alongside that I've been trying my hardest with this new graphic design course. They've got this wild new philosophy of teaching concepts wherein they just...don't fucking teach you anything at all. They give you a rough, really vague outline of what's expected and then tell you to go do it. Yeah, I think I'd have an easier time with this course if I knew what the fuck I'm supposed to do. Plus all the instructions seem to be completely nonsensical sentences, some even conflicting with others in the same paragraph. It's fucking annoying and time-consuming. Like I needed more of that in my life.

Those two factors (plus a few more that are too boring to write about) ended up resulting in me breaking down Wednesday night and having...probably the worst panic attack of my life. Shit had every fucking nerve in my body going off at the same time. Could barely even walk without my lungs giving up. Sleeping was tough, too; woke up at 4 in the morning still shivering. I ended up missing out on the DJ Shadow show I was waiting all week for because I was just trying to recover from the burden of it all.

Anyway that's been my week. Bleh.

---

...now listening: "Emerald Fantasy Tracks" by Lone. I once saw someone describe this album as "full of songs to cry to in the club". It's a weird description but I can kind of see where they're coming from. House music with a wistful sense of nostalgia for (often nonexistent) days gone by.