THE HORROR OF FRIENDREWIND

I opened FriendRewind one day,
To see what fools had come my way.
I clicked my friends, I checked my feed,
And there I saw a dreadful deed!

A FRIEND REQUEST! OH, WHAT A FRIGHT!
A HORRID THING! A CURSED SIGHT!
I checked their age, then gave a scream,
A number straight out of a fever dream!

EIGHTEEN! EIGHTEEN! OH, GOODNESS ME!
A CHILD! A CHILD! AWAY FROM ME!

I shuddered once! I shuddered twice!
I gagged upon my Pepsi ice!
I fell upon my bedroom floor,
And crawled in terror toward the door!

"WHAT IS THIS FILTH?" I loudly cried,
As all my joy and spirit died.
"A CHILD HAS COME TO BE MY FRIEND!
OH, WHEN WILL THIS ATROCITY END?"

I clicked DECLINE with trembling hand,
And prayed they'd understand my stand.
No teenagers! No youthful cheer!
No fresh-faced goblins lurking here!

"I HATE CHILDREN!" I cried aloud,
With righteous fury, fierce and proud.
"BEGONE, YOU CHILD! BEGONE, YOU SPRITE!
GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK! FLY A KITE!"

I washed my mouse, I cleaned my screen,
To purge the horror I had seen.
I shut the blinds, I locked the gate,
And cursed that dreadful number: EIGHTEEN.

And now I sit, alone, at peace,
My youthful nightmares finally cease.
But should another request appear,
From some young fool with teenage cheer...

I'LL GAG! I'LL SHRIEK! I'LL WEEP! I'LL WAIL!
I'LL THROW MY KEYBOARD THROUGH THE MAIL!

For FriendRewind is meant for me,
Not children born in 2008, you see!

THE END.