The knowledge that emotionally I'm un-helpable

And not that nobody can console me, or tell me good things, or anything like that. It's totally possible. It's just that solving "loneliness" is kind of difficult. I don't need more friends, I have a lot and I hold them close. I want relationships but I think very, very hard about if it will work out long term, and thus I don't really have them very often. It's hard to fill the void I'm keeping people who are open to messy love at a distance. Then again, it would hurt more if a relationship broke later. I guess I'm just mentally always in a constant battle of "I need someone but also I can't have anyone" and the type of stuff that makes me feel better would only come from that. 

Maybe I just don't deserve anything :P