For a while now, I have been researching different kinks and what they are. Going through these kink spaces, you have the normal, the weird, and the absolutely concerning. I mostly don't hold that against them. We all have our freaky flaws sometimes, right? Kinks are the most unusual phenomenon in intimacy, dating, and relationships overall, which is really fascinating to look into: why people like them and how those thoughts occur after personal events.Β Unfortunately, it's now getting to a point where they are making and normalising kinks and fetishes revolving around certain topics that shouldn't be reduced to "hot roleplay". And one of those things is most definitely rape and sexual assault.
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One of the kinks that immediately took my attention was CNC, which stands for consensual non-consensual. It's basically where one person is unconscious, and their partner, who is awake, has intimacy with the unconscious person. There are also structures where both of them are awake and "act" as though they are not consenting, basically reenact a rape scene.Β Now, why is this problematic? I don't usually kink shame for a lot of roleplay genres even if I find them disgusting. But It's logic-wise this type of roleplay is enormously dangerous because it completely goes against what consent truly is.
I'm afraid the people who do CNC, or even the ones who promote it, do not really know what consent is. It's not a one-time agreement or a firm contract you can't back out of; it needs to be ongoing. It needs to be continuous throughout the intimacy session. You need to always check on the status of your partner: Check if they're okay, if they're feeling uneasy, if they're showing discomfort. Is this position okay? Is this person comfortable? Am I going too fast? Do you want to try this? Do you want to try that? You need to keep asking your partner if they are okay with certain things that are happening throughout intimacy.
https://essexsexualhealthservice.org.uk/what-does-ongoing-consent-actually-look-like/
When you have cnc, those safety precautions, those protections go out the window, which is not only disturbing, but also super dangerous as well. What if they feel uneasy, or what if something's going on with their body that can be dangerous to them and they have no way of communicating to stop when their uncounsious? Or you may think they're "acting" as though they're dissociating, but in reality they actually are? With that, that makes this "kink" not guarantee safety for the unconscious or conscious person. It leads to multiple, multiple routes to harm for the other person. Safety cannot be guaranteed.
This is the type of problem I have with kinks that revolve around SA and rape. It's not healing. It is not a coping mechanism. It just damages the person that has been affected by it even more.
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Now, this is a different conversation when the person with this kink is a victim of sexual assault. If they have developed such a kink, then it's not their fault whatsoever; it's just them trying to take control of the situation and rewriting the narrative of the situation. However, the problem with trying to take control over that traumatic event can lead to the subconscious notion that they could have resisted it and they could have done something to prevent what happened to them, and makes their brain normalise the violent assault the more they engage with it. Which can even hurt your body as well. Role-playing rape is telling your brain that this type of intimacy is ok and normal, but in reality it's not, and never will be. This opens doors for the victim to have a new feeling of guilt and could end up blaming themselves for what has happened to them. It's a very problematic and harmful notion to have, especially when you are a victim yourself.Β This line of "intimacy" is less of a kink and more of a type of self-harm. There are multiple other ways to heal, to process trauma and get the help you need, but this type of structure isn't one of them.
Some people might defend this and say that it helps SA survivors, but ask yourself this: Would you really recommend knifeplay to someone who self-harmed to "take control of their situation"? Didn't think so.
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However, if people are not victims of rape or SA and you still think CnC is, or any type of rape fantasy, is okay, then that's an issue in of itself. It should never be romanticised or sexualised at all. Being a victim isn't "hot" or "sexy". It's draining, exhausting, and something that hurts people in every way possible. Sexual assault kills people. It ruins people's lives. The fact that people get turned on by that, and for people to reduce such a traumatic, serious thing to something like role play, is disgusting and unacceptable.
And it's even more concerning coming from the person who is "inacting" as the rapist. Wanting to pretend to be a rapist and covering it up as a kink is absurd and disturbing. How can you have consent from a person yet you still want them to act like they're resisting and act as though you're forcing yourself upon your partner? How does that make you comfortable as a partner? This perspective of CNC sounds much more sinister and disturbing and shows how this "kink" can normalise predators as well.
Rape, let alone rape play, should never be normalised or romanticised into a new roleplay for the bedroom; out of all kinks in the world, and we're choosing the one that romanticises one of the worst acts of humankind? That will never be ok.
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This is one of the reasons why the media doesn't take victims seriously anymore, why victims do not speak out and why SA is less reported. No one wants to take it seriously because all people are doing is commercialising it, capitalising it for profit, and reducing it to a fetish/kink.Β This is another factor of rape culture seeping through our society again, normalising and reenacting a serious thing that ruins so many lives for your pleasure. Its completly out of line.
I know people might like what they like, but a line has got to be drawn somewhere. There should be limits to things we can turn into kinks and what we cannot. Now it's been completely blown out of proportion and is doing more harm than good; and in this scenario, more harm than pleasure.
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