I shall share a fond story about my obliviousness to life.

Part 1: The Resonance Cascade

In university on a hot summer day, I was fresh from a friend breakup. I find myself in college, all alone, knowing nobody. A freshman and I have no friends on campus.

Making friends in college to me is weird. I call it a lot of things. An impulse. The "'tism". But it's the feeling of turning my brain off and turning around to try and socialize. Thankfully, I succeed most of the time. Eventually I found out that everyone in college is in school so education is a common thread and topic starter. Socializing became a breeze. The early years wasn't so easy.

So back to my freshman summer day.

I'm walking across the parking lot and sweating. I spot someone very fashionable! I'm intrigued by their appearance. The impulse to befriend takes over. I approach.

I say hello. They say hello back. 

I compliment them. They say thank you. 

I told them that I'm familiar with their style of clothing. Harajuku!. I like the scene.

They say, "oh, which kind?"

"Uhh..." I stammer. 

Which kind? There's kinds?? A curveball for weeaboo houkiboshi. (Turns out there are subgenres of harajuku. I was oblivious at the time).

3...2...1... She leaves me like an unwanted chatroulette chatroom. Bye bye!

That might have been my first encounter of a friendship rejection. 

Here I was thinking, yes I can definitely be friends with this person. Totally. 100%. I can have a cool friend! 

I couldn't read the hint. 

Part 2: The Seven Hour War

For about a year, whenever I would spot this girl on campus, I would say "hello! I love your outfit!!". She would wave back at me. 

Sometimes I do the awkward scream of "HELLOOO I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT. VERY CUTE!!" in the middle of a hallway. A leftover cringe learned behavior from highschool.

I wouldn't let it up. 

Eventually she stopped waving back.

I think my embarrassment and realization finally took over when I was chilling outside my local theater and I spot her. What a coincidence! She lives here too?!? I yell, "HELLO X!! YOU LOOK NICE!!!"

No wave.

I tell my friends about how fashionable she is and that I knew her.

 🤦

1. This person never bothered to interact past our initial interaction. 

2. I'm always the one saying hello. 

3. It's been a year of saying "hi". Isn't all of this a little weird? 

4. Maybe no one wants to be spotted out of a crowd all the time. I'm sure you'll also find that weird. 

5. This is very stalkerlike behavior, houki.

6. She's just so cool and fascinating! But she doesn't like to be acknowledged.

After that, I concluded that she probably didn't want the attention from me.

Part 3: Blue Shift

Around my junior year, I spot her in the women's rec center. This was my go to for printing and chilling. I spot her as I enter the door. I suck in my breath to say it but stop myself. We make eye contact and I don't really do anything past that. We are strangers now.

But she was so pastel pink and fluffy and blonde that it was hard not to stare. She was like a walking aesthetic board from the Internet. 

I'm not very fashionable and I just don't know how to style so to see a person be very outward with their fashion is refreshing.

She leaves. 

I try not to think that it was because I was staring at her for a while. Maybe she just had to leave and that's it. The End.

But that's where my story ends. I didn't see her on campus anymore. 

Our sour interaction might've given me the wrong impression of harajuku enthusiasts. I don't know if they're that secluded about fashion and not willing to share unless we're one and the same. Maybe I was just giving off bad vibes. Who knows.

Part 4: Black Mesa

I think about this memory from time to time and I think I became better from it. 

Just as I initially thought that making friends was a guarantee, getting rejected as a guarantee was also possible. 

I forgave her. I'm in the process of forgiving myself for making the mistake. I'm just into socializing sometimes, what can I do?

Good ending though, I eventually socialized fine with others in classes. I'm still friends with my college friends to this day. I met a marketing major and they gave me a pillow for free! That's more than I asked for in a social setting!! (They really are promoter-types!). My friend eventually also got back with me in my junior year. I don't talk much to her because I'm spooked that I'll randomly irritate her again. We're on good terms. 

So anyways I've had better interactions after that. 

Lessons learned:

1..I learned when people don't want to interact! 

2. I am currently learning about asking people directly if they want to be friends if any of their body language is unclear. 

3. Socializing is hell but rewarding.

The End!