The Yellow Door ~ Poem

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It is just a yellow door 

A painted door 

And nothing more 

Yellow is the color of sunshine 

And pineapple 

And smiley faces 

And baby ducks 

Yellow wrapping and yellow mustard 

Dripping from oversized pretzels 

Bought at the county fair 

Hand and hand with grandpa 

The sun shining down 

On everyone's faces 

And and everyone's smiling 

But then there is the yellow door 

The door into the white room 

Where the darkness hides 

Bright light cannot banish it 

It only brings it forth more unashamed 

In all its twisted glory 

She melts out of the corners 

The grooves the shadow places 

Slithers on her belly

Snakes her tendrils around my ankles

Whispers in my ears 

I thrash as words invade my ears 

I will my feet to run 

But they are made of stone 

Logic tells me she is gone 

My sanity tells me to forget 

But my flesh does not 

It shivers

At shadows that shift too suddenly 

And shapes that move too quickly 

In the corners of weary eyes 

My ears quicken 

At each footstep 

At each creak 

Of under-maintenanced hinges 

So often I had to endure her 

The gleeful eyes 

The sneering mouth 

The lips where the words 

Threatened to burst out at any second 

And devour me whole 

I learned to fear the silence 

I learned to fear the dark 

I learned to fear the aloneness 

Waiting for a spark 

To ignite the gasoline 

She poured onto my clothes 

Nothing more came 

As if that is a consolation prize 

I could have been a victim 

If it weren't for pride 

That wouldn't let there be a crime 

For if there was a crime 

Then there was a villain 

And a villain has a victim 

And I can't be a victim 

Because we both shop the same clothing section 

I've tried to run from it 

Like a fool tries to outrun the setting sun 

To remove myself as far 

As the east is from the past 

And now is from tomorrow 

And tomorrow yesterday 

I hate yellow doors 

They follow me now 

They taunt me 

The gas station painted the door yellow 

And pride tells me they know 

And did it just for me 

And now I can be accomplished 

For one thing in this life 

The diner on the corner 

Has a yellow door now too 

It reminds me of smoker's teeth 

Stained and sharp 

And waiting to tear me apart 

I am afraid of the threshold 

Of the taking of the step 

Of the swinging on the hinges 

Of the breeze that blows 

In its golden wake 

Everyone stares 

I tell myself they do not know 

That they cannot know 

That their mocking eyes 

Are just coincidence 

And the upturned corners

Of their lips 

Are for the want of anything else 

Save me

Please

From this

Paint them red

Paint them all 

Black blue green white

I shout

As if yellow is really what

This is all about

Once once 

Only once 

A minute or five 

Barely anything at all 

The mind can rationalize 

But the skin makes no distinction 

The pores will not lie 

Save me 

Please 

From the things I've never told you 

From the secrets that I keep 

The ones that eat at me in daylight 

And murder me in my sleep 

Painted doors 

They're just doors 

Painted yellow 

Nothing more 

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