Theory, another friend might be hating me

hi everyone. i know the last post was messy and i want to say that i am much better now. i have a clear head. i slept (a little). i think the biggest thing i learned is that feelings are not facts, and facts are what matter. so i am going to write this the right way, with evidence, so i never get fooled again.

i am not being dramatic. i am being careful. there is a difference.

So basically after that last post its like, "one of my best friends secretely hated me", so ofc im like, well damn, what can i trust anymore and im thinking about some other people

the situation: sander does not like me. he has not liked me for a while. i just did not have the tools to see it until now.

evidence, in order:

1. the period. on october 9th i sent “hey how are you” and he replied “good, you?” no exclamation mark. in july he would have written “good!! you??” the punctuation went down. punctuation does not go down by accident.

2. the vc timing. on tuesday i joined the call at 9:47 and he left at 9:49. he said “oh i have to go eat.” people say that when they have to go eat, sure. but people also say that when they cannot stand a voice. i have thought about it a lot and the two sentences are identical.

3. the reaction. i posted a photo of my tea and he reacted with 👍 instead of ❤️. i went back through every photo i ever posted and he used ❤️ on 14 of 17. THREE were 👍. i have a spreadsheet. the 👍 ones are the last three. it is a trend.

4. the profile picture. he changed his pfp on the same day i changed mine, it made our pfps look similare, he says "its a coincidence"... no "im sorry i didnt notice" no nothing, just a blunt excuse.

5. the kindness. this is the one that took me longest to see. he keeps messaging me. “hey, you ok?” “u havent been online, want to talk?” “im here if you need anything.” and at first i thought, wow, that is so sweet. but then i remembered outright. outright said “love you”. so now i know that the kinder they are, the more there is to hide. sander is being SO kind. you do not work that hard unless you are covering for something.

6. the thing he said once. in march he said “you are kind of intense sometimes lol.” i laughed at the time. i thought it was a joke. it was not a joke. it was the first crack and i missed it.

what this means: he has been pretending for about seven months. maybe longer. i am going back through the old messages.

what i am going to do: nothing. i am going to be normal. i am going to reply “haha yeah im ok!!” and act like i do not know. that way he cannot prepare. i have learned that when someone is lying to you, the best thing is to let them keep lying until you have everything you need.

i am not angry. i want to be very clear about that. i checked and i am not angry at all. i just think it is important to know who your real friends are, and i am doing the work to find out. honestly it is kind of freeing. people are so much easier to understand when you stop trusting them.