things suck

woah this is gonna mention like self harm and suicide and ish so like if that may trigger u prolly don't read this

everything kinda well, sucks. i always feel too clingy like I'm desperately begging for people to like me, its so stupid. sometimes mean jokes really get to me, even if they are just jokes it really just makes me think people don't like me, il really just suck up to about anyone to try to get them to show that they like me. And also do you know how much trying to stay clean SUCKS?!?!?! it sucks sooo hard! shit the only reason my arms aren't fucking tiger stripes anymore is because I wanted to wear tshirts, not even about getting better, well it kinda is, I wanna get better and worse at the same time. some days everything sucks and I wanna relapse and write my notes and other days I feel fine. also school sucks too, I haven't done my work in weeks, my school just keeps on pushing and pushing even if you fall over, theyll push you till you fall of a cliff, and I'm on the edge. And shit I keep on getting into drama with my bullshit ex friends, wanna hear a story about how I got chased around my art room? check my last blog then. but either way I'm always too scared of being judged, what if people think I'm weird, because I'm trying to please everyone but still please myself at the same time. everything just sucks so hard and I'm always crying or trying not too or whatever. and not to mention the fact I don't even know who i am! some days I'll look in the mirror and hate the girl I see, the girl I am, the girl I am not. I wish I was born a boy some days, despite people calling me one I'll never pull it off. and everything feels boring, usually I'm bouncing up and down excited for halloween, this year we don't even have decorations up, pumpkins carved, or really anything, its sad, the worst thing is my favorite part of Halloween aside dressing up is pumpkins, yet my mom wont even do that. its whatever, sorry if this was a huge ramble, I just want someone out there to hear my issues. and yes this is attention seeking, I want people to see im not doing well.