thinking back to what that one guy said. - sadnut

that they love me, and that they were talking about me while in his class

again

i dont think he was saying anyhtinga nywhere close to the truth 

buy it makes me think

i love them so much 

i wish i could just tell them how much ui love them

but i wont ever be able to talk to them again

every time i see them walk in school and talk with their friends i feel

fear

im always so scared

i dont want to bother them

i wish i could simply look at the person i love without fear

my mom screamed at me again 

since ive been missing school for just under a week 

bu t atleast she didnt force me to take her pills that dont do anything

my dad also got pissed at me

he said that i needed to put in at least a little bit of fight in it

his words

like

instead of just staying home 

b ecause im sick

and like

i gave that dude a paragraph about how im fighting

because i have

trying so hard to go to school every day but im sick i cant walk

so i told that to him

that i try every day because

i despise staying home

because its just clearer and clearer than those two people dont give a shit about me and im only in their lives because they'd be in legal trouble if i wasnt anymore

+ my mom gets government money  to """"raise"""" me

so yeah

i would much rather go to school

even if i dont eat anymore

even if i dont do anything fun and stay hidden in the toilets so i dont bother them

i would much rather be at school than at home

so i told him that

it took me a lot to put all of this text together

except 

he mentioned them and said some shit like "you're obsessed over a random friend that you havevnt talked to in six months"

and like

i obviously replied "they arent a random friend theyre my best friend and they lied to me and manipulated me without even letting me process everything, its normal that im still fucking troubled a while late respecially since i fucking love them passionately against my better judgement despite everything "

an instaed of adressing the bigass paragraph i made he just latched onto that text i wrote about them

im so

ufcking tired

of those people