this dude

hi, kaixa's here!!! today i wanna talk about this dude in my class thats makes me feel like... kinda gay. i dont even talk to him, and almost all our interactions had been so fucking awkward but i cant just stop thinking about him. his eyes, face, voice, mannerism, interests. All. 

this situation makes me feel really pathetic, im just like this just because this dude told me 'i love you' as a joke. i dont think im anything to him, i think he just sees me like a weird guy who sits next to him. sometimes i feel like a total creep for just staring at him. 

but i really, really want to feel what it would be like to hold his hand or to have a actual talk with him. he really looks like a wonderful person from inside and outside, i just really need to get close to him but i just cant stop feeling that im such a fucking creep. or what he'll think about me, or my classmates, my family, and the whole school if they knew theres a gay dude among them.

nobody would accept me in this town.