This started as me being nostalgic but quickly turned into venting about recent stuff

My ceiling decor fell off, it lasted what a year? longer? I have no idea, but it was a while, and today one of the hooks fell so I figured I'd take it all off, I had gotten kind of bored of it anyway and it was too much real estate for spiders to dangle off of, and now there's some tiny spots where the paint came off with the hooks so I gotta repaint those tomorrow, anyway my ceiling is empty now and somehow when I look at it, it looks like we just moved into the house, we've lived here for almost 6 years now, so we're definitely past that stage, but looking at my empty ceiling reminds me of when the wifi wasn't set up yet so me and my siblings played together a bunch, and we had all our mattresses on the floor cuz our bedframes weren't there, and also a few years later when we renovated the kitchen so our oven was in the pantry, and all our dishes and stuff was in the living room, and the actual kitchen was so echo-y cuz we ripped up all the tile and had no cabinets it was all empty, I miss that kind of stuff, it was also right before Christmas 2020 when we moved, so we had the proper lockdown and online school in our old house and the going to school but keeping distances and having masks in the new house, so the whole pandemic was still ongoing, and Alice was low-key bullying me, and I had no friends, and my teachers were mean, but it was also somehow the happiest I remember being, could be the fact that I was on the internet and the whole DSMP thing was fun and that era was the happiest the internet was, as far as I remember, I wanna be 11 again, life feels so crap recently, ever since February 2025, that's when the whole thing with my ex friend started and then in May I left him and for 9 months I had no friends, I was miserable, especially being homeschooled, all I saw every day were my family and they're on my nerves half the time, and now in the past few weeks with the school thing I feel so mixed, I'm glad to be going, but everyone is making me feel bad for it, I've had this thing for YEARS where if someone asks me to do something I say no and then do it, and it's never been a problem before, but ever since the school thing was brought up again whenever I do that mom gets so annoyed she once said 'What is your problem? I don't even wanna know.' in response to that bit, and this morning she said she can't wait for me to go to school because I said the cereal tasted strange (Alice agreed with that point btw but she didn't say that in front of mom), this behavior is what makes me want to go, I want to get away from them, and something else I look forward to in school is the different days, I'll experience the day differently from them so we can talk about our days to each other, that's the main thing I miss about not having many/any friends, I like talking about my day, but I can't if I talk to my family about spending the day with my family yk? and another thing, father worked from home briefly, and nobody likes when he's home during the week, it messes up the feel of the day, no hate against him, it's just he's usually at work during the weeks so it's weird when he's home, so that time when he worked from home was a few weird weeks, anyway, if we have different schedules and I have a day off school and they don't then they'll be weirded out, I want that, I want them to tell me to go on a walk or something so I'm not home while they work, I want to have established a routine and break it sometimes, I want a different life, basically, in any way I can get it, that last point won't work if mom bases their schedule around mine, tho, so whatever, it's a 50/50 chance I'd say, and I want to sit and my desk and do homework and study and just be normal, I want to be normal, homeschooling can work for some people if done correctly, I'm not saying it's entirely a horrible thing to do, but the way my mom does it is just not the best, I have no social life, I talk to nobody, not really, I mean I text my friend, but he doesn't respond and I post these blogs, but it's not the same, and mom's given up on structure, we used to have a morning bit with all four of us with common subjects like geography, then me and Alice would go do our focus subjects alone while mom did stuff with the littles (that's what we call Esme and Bender btw) like grammar or smt idk what they learn, then we switch and the littles would go and me and Alice would do stuff with mom like algebra, that worked good, but now it's just 'take your books and do stuff for two hours' and that doesn't work, learning children need structure, I'm guessing it'll go back to the switch-y schedule after our trip, but lord knows, also I still have to do homeschooling until I go to proper school, I am trapped in this hell for several more weeks, but it's okay, we will get there eventually, and hopefully school will be just as good as I imagine, another thing about school I look forward to, proper exams and graduation, for homeschooling you're required to do the final exams or whatever they're called, that let you graduate, but it wouldn't be the same, I feel like if I graduated secondary school via homeschool it wouldn't feel valid, I want a date set and whatever the hell they do in secondary school graduation, I wouldn't know, I don't know anything about that, but I need it to feel official, not just a 'yay, you're done' and then doing fuck all, and graduating from an actual school would look better on a resume, 'where'd you go to school?' 'my house' doesn't sound professional, and another thing, not a single thing has been done to get me enrolled, I figured my parents would start preparing before out trip so I could go to school asap after it, but no, apparently we're waiting to even ask about enrollment until after, I don't even know how long it takes to get enrolled, how long until it's approved? I mean after finishing primary school me and Alice did the paperwork and got enrolled into that school before mom decided to homeschool us, so I've never actually set foot in that school, anyway, point is, I've been enrolled before, should be able to again, but how long does it take? What will I need? Am I supposed to be the one to go and ask or are my parents gonna do that? It's fine, it'll all be sorted eventually, I've got basically two weeks before I have to worry about that, so we chill for now, and another thing, I've lost motivation to do my duolingo lessons, I used to do them first thing in the morning and I've just done todays, I have 567 days, I can't lose my streak now, but I'm so bored of it now, I'll do it, but I'm not as motivated to anymore, it's a small thing, but it feels kinda big to me, if anyone actually reads this whole thing I'll be surprised, k bye, I go now