thoughts

how do I ghost everyone if I love the attention and care they give me? I'm not saying they're bad people or anything but to be honest, they kinda treat me like assholes? of course they're not obliged to say anything or be my friend because we're in the same group but honestly I cant do anything without my friends. not going to school for this long obviously has to messing with my head because i see new or different people at school and now I'm stuck to this fucking house with nothing to do outside this bum ass desert. I do nothing in my room all day and wait for someone to join call so I can join without looking like a desperate bum. This person is driving me crazy, I feel like im obsessed but I can't do anything, cause I see them as untrust worthy or mean or something else that messes with the way I see them and I don't want that but I just cant change it. I'm losing my mind right now and theres nothing that can change that except for some fun here and there but after that its melancholy. once those activities are done, I come back to my life and to realize that there isn't anything to it. I feel left out, and honestly, I feel like a jester to these people. I just want to be favorited