Through my mind lets dive, to see me high or maybe dry...

he might see me in a way that do not let him get too close now or even if he does get close i will know what he wants but he do not know what I want...I wanna see him suffer i wanna feel him close not to to fill his void or fix what's wrong but to feel the void to know the pain like it's a dagger on my spine like it's my throat being slit like its my breath being cut, I don't feel guilty about it even if I should i don't care about the consequences even if I must but I need it to be real even for a moment it's not romantic it's not completely lustfull but it's pure need of intensity to wake me up from my dissociation from whatever reality is this from whoever started this endless loop of sorrow and misery that I slowly turned to melancholy that consumes me and drain the life out of me