time

7:51am

it's early morning and i haven't slept. i don't like going to sleep much lately. it feels like everything i do is just to kill time when it itself is trying to kill me back. like i have my hands wrapped around its throat and all it does is mock me for how much i want it gone. i don't have anything else but time, yet i hate it more than anything. everything takes time. learning, sleeping, cleaning, doing nothing. it doesn't stop and i'm tied to the tracks. there's no lever to pull to make it go easy on me. i can't wriggle out of my bonds and escape it. everyone knows the end is inevitable and while some try to make the best of the time they've been allotted, i seem to only treat it like ash at the bottom of an ash tray. one day someone will come along to empty it and we'll have a clean slate again. it'll sort itself out. except it won't, and the time won't move backwards to clean itself off, and nobody is there to save me, and nothing will give back the hours i spent wishing for a time machine. living in a time capsule sounds like a dream i'd never want to wake up from, so maybe sleeping isn't that bad of an idea.

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