Anytime when I think about all the things I have to do for school I get this sick feeling and just get paralyzed or just feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack and I hate that. And me being in my last year isn't helping cause everything feels so much more important and that I can't fuck it up. I have finals to write but because I have smth like a phobia of learning, just that whenever I have to revise for smth I get shaky and overwhelmed and in the end I don't do anything and if I do it's such a poor job I barely learn anything and almost fail all my tests. Talking about tests I get so stressed during them that even if I learn smth I forget it right when the test starts. Idk what to do. I feel like crying whenever I think about the amount of stuff I have to learn and just how little time I have to do so and bcs of that I only have even less time and only get stressed more and I just feel dumb cuz when I try to learn I don't get it. Just in general I feel dumb.
I should get my shit together and just do what I have to but it's so hard and I feel like I have no one to help me when I get like this and no one that understands this kind of thing. My parents completely don't get just how this shit affects me and I spiral into this self destructive cycle that I just can't get out of by myself. I was doing a lot worse before but I feel that with how I am now I'm still just not gonna make it. That it's not enough.
I do think that the way I feel now has been strengthened by me getting a harsher and a lot more strict math's teacher that's kind of triggering my middle school trauma and that doesn't have a teaching style that works for me and me just never learning nor really being taught how to write shit when it comes to analyzing literature cuz that's what I suck at the most. I really just feel like I don't have enough time to fill out all the gaps that I have in my education and on top of that I have final art projects that I have to do at the same time and an art history exam that's fully a memorisation kind of thing (which I suck at tbh).
Also I'm not very good at multitasking these kind of things. Having to focus on learning and doing more than one thing at a time is so overwhelming and just completely not my way of doing things. I just don't have the mental capacity for that. I barely have the capacity to keep myself alive and healthy and adding on top of that like 10 more different things I have to do that everyone takes really seriously doesn't help.
Had to get this off my chest cuz honestly it feels really lonely to be in a situation like this cuz no one else around me seems to be struggling as much as me or at least they don't show or talk about it.
Might get my friend to body double me just so I get anything done before school actually starts TT
Tips on how to stop feeling nauseous whenever thinking about school and learning? TT
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If you find yourself "Catastrophizing" that could be the source of your anxiety over this.
I was told in school if I didn't get good grades I would be lost in highschool and then I wouldn't get into a ""good"" college (lie) and then I wouldn't get a job, and then I would be homeless and then I would die.
Which is a funny way of telling a kid if you can't figure out 37/6.5 your life is OVER RIGHT NOW!!! You're FUCKED!!! LOL!
Anyways if that hits the nail for ya look up anti-catastrophizing strategies. A lot of it has to do with just self talk to reduce your "care" which reduces stress. You should aim to try to be just stressed enough to perform optimally/pushed, but not to the point of being overwhelmed and breaking down.
With the exception of getting into a ""good college"" none of the grades matter, but what I found is that pretty much any ABET accredited college is the same. Calculus is still calculus, the equations and material/info is exactly the same, usually the same dang books even unless your professor is making a buck off of you and wrote the book themselves.
I knew a girl who got a perfect 4.0 all the way to college, and still couldn't get a job anywhere for many years (including still). So grades don't really matter in real life. Basically no interviewer is ever gonna go. "Oh you got a C in chemistry?" Can't hire you sorry! They are gonna see is this person crazy? Do I LIKE this person? Are they easy to get along with? And are they COMPETENT to do the job? I used to think I sucked at math. I ALMOST failed trig in highschool, I took it again in college, then basically ended up just teaching myself a 3rd time and ACTUALLY understood it after that. Just because you get a bad grade now doesn't mean you didn't improve/learn it later.
Anyways, you can fail at what you don't want; so just try to go for what you do want/enjoy that still provides value for others.