- Today I'm going on a trip to somewhere. Now, listen, I love the airport. I'm a person that enjoys buildings like offices, hospitals, libraries... and by that list, I'm pretty sure my reason for liking them is self evident. They might seem boring, but they comfort me a lot.
And I'll try not to focus on the diseases that could potentially swarm there, and my disgustingly paranoid fears about Hantavirus and bombs... Being on planes are scaring me, too. Ever since I decided to choose a plane scenario when I watched my first clip of Final Destination, it makes me a nervous wreck. (I like to consider both negative and positive outcomes... what was that effect? The one where thoughts become reality if thought about too much?) Honestly, if I did die, I'm just happy I'm with a friend to do it with. Speaking of which--one of my childhood friends is attending a flight with me to go there! So, I was right, there is a silver lining in every cloud...
Started packing. I've got to be the nerdiest person ever. Guards look through my backpack and all they see is books, some medication and headphones. Oh, and a pair of glasses. Who would've known? Hmm, here comes a duffel bag. Nope! It's a medley of thrifted and my fathers' tees, some with cat comic strips on them... and random years. I think I'd make at least one of the guards yawn during the check. Let's tally how many yawns I can push out of people!(...Do I count? I just yawned FRAG)
I like to wear my dad's clothing. Of course I don't try to lean into the manly clothing , like suits... well, sometimes I wear his old work uniforms. But they're not the average suit and ties or some shirt you would wear on a Sunday morning. I guess they're just minimalistic. But hey, navy blue? You earn a check mark, I'm wearing you. A lot of his tees are casual, and I like it when they're big. I also like when his sweaters and long sleeves hang so low that not even my fingers, stretched passed their limit can reach it. My mom thinks i look ridiculous. My dad excuses it by saying I'll grow it out. Besides, tight clothing feels uncomfortable. Or maybe I'm just fat. Whatever, I'm going to be rocking his clothing for the rest of my life.
On an unrelated note, I miss my friends. Sort of. My way of departing is really abrupt. Sometimes I leave a vague note about leaving the internet or making up some stuff so I can detach as soon as possible. I forgot why I started doing this, but I'm going to prioritize communication from now on. There are only a few friends I'm adamant on spending time with during the summer, because the others were really rude! No man can live on an island(I tested it. Not literally, I did some experiment to find out whether someone could embrace solitude or not. Not for me! Maybe it was the duration of time that screwed it over...? Not doing it again.) I'm glad my HS will provide a new environment and one that makes me feel at peace for once...
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Thought Journal... well, sort of a reminder for myself.
I should never view the path of recognition to be seductive... I don't want to build an ego, and I surely don't want to follow the easy path. The easy path is a lack of discipline. If I give into immoral impulses, I'll be reducing myself to a complete representation of human nature... well, I am human, but there are parts of my nature that I can rise above, and some that stay constant. Why stoop so low?
If I find myself reaching an accomplishment, I'll try not to overflow my brain with reminders of it. I gotta acknowledge it, move on, like a bad thought, I just gotta accept it and doing what I gotta do! If I find myself getting jealous and insecure, I remind myself of my beliefs, the ones I've encompassed to stabilize myself and ones from God... I don't believe in superiority or inferiority, remember? I think everything is a circle. Perfection is only reserved for a realm above us. All I haveta do is receive love from myself, to reject entitlement
(mopst obvious self preserved 1...)
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10 Things that Made Me Happy
- Opal colored playdough
- The wind. Breeze felt real cool and soft, almost like I was on the beach
- Arabic carpets
- My dads top
- Calling my friend as I packed up, her brother is funny and always reminds me that I live for someone, too
- My beloved dog calendar. I can always gaze at adorable, floppy eared puppies each month.
- This potted plant my dad's coworker's wife gave me. She's an abstract artist, and the pot is painted in all sorts of patterns with a picasso-looking heart in the middle... so cute. I won't forget how cute her dogs were. I won't forget how her chocolate colored, fluffy dog slept on the floor right there when I pet it. I also won't forget that big dog that kept jumping on me.
- Snow globes. I'm mesmerized by them, the way the particles just float absentmindedly across the little capsule, prisoning these little worlds inside... I feel like... a god? in a way? Especially the snow globes with music boxes.
- The microwave. I like technology. The design is so cute... so simple, what an unusual color scheme, the way the edges seem to smooth like a rock being kicked around for 1000000 years....
- ...And BugsWags' bumblebee. He is a sad interpretation of ES bumblebee but so very cute. My boy..,. SOBS SOBS SOBS I LOVE YOU BUGSWAGS STOP MAKING ME CRY |
- Ain't he cute? He has PTSD. Frag my life. v
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Album/Song of the Day
Late 90's/00's Doujin to Breeze in the Sun (Mixtape #5)
Churaumi Aquarium under the sea/Soothing/underwater sound effects
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