Trust (vent)

Y’know, what’s scary about connections is that you can never really tell what the other person is thinking. …They could be lying. They could be telling the truth. No answer is more likely than the other. Which is why you have to trust.

Trust isn’t a foreign concept to me. I once knew it like the back of my hand. I used to fall, and I’d be caught, until I wasn’t— but then I’d just patch myself up and find someone to catch me again.

I’m scared of falling again.

I’m scared of no one being there to catch me, or the wrong person being there to catch me and having to face my apathy; I'm scared of hurting people, of being hurt, of being caught by somebody too weak to hold me up.

I guess that’s why I don’t reach out. Even if it eats at me from the inside, even if I feel like there’s nothing left to even carve out anymore.

Because I can’t trust.