Typical Sad Post

I'm sad and I feel really lonely bla bla bla my parents don't pay attention to me neither does my brother uggggghjgjdjhghfhgg I don't really have many friends and when I do end up making them it's through my best friend so I feel like usually they see him as the 'main friend' and I'm just an extension of him uhh what else. idk im just really lonely and Its kind of my fault because I don't go up to other people and talk when I could just do that but my fear of rejection(?) and embarrassing myself is really big I think..... so I guess I'll work on that while I'm in Kansas. I'm going to Kansas for a week starting tomorrow with my best friend.... I hope I have lots of fun. I love him a lot.

Adding onto this because I thought some more: I want to go to the doctor and ask them about being neurodivergent or having some kind of mental health issue but I always feel like I'm faking it. That's exactly how I feel about being trans, too, and it's so annoying... My parents have always just said 'oh there's nothing wrong with you' and like yeah I know I'm not fucking broken like they think I'm saying.... I am just saying I have a lot of suspicions for myself and I want to figure out what is going on. Of course, my mom has to reapply for medicaid or something, so I can't go until then and it's all just making me really sad. Having no medicaid means I can't go to the eye doctor, either, and that means I can't get contacts or a new prescription. I don't even know if I want to shave my head anymore, I don't even know what I wannnntttttt and it's driving me fucking crazyyyyyy.... Well. Ok. I do know what I want and it's to look MALE but I just HAD to be born female and it irritates me AUUUGGGHHH maybe I just need to go to sleep but I'm at my friend's house rn and even tho we aren't doing anything I'd feel rude just going to bed 😢 I'M SO OVERWHELMED AND ITS MAKING ME IRRITABLE AND I DONT WANT TO BE MEAN TO MY FRIEND FUCK MY LIFE RIGHT NOWWEE