Ugly doll -by Koi

(Really dont know how to call this one XD. Or how to call the thigs i write in general. They arent really poems, but not necesarily a tale??? IDK XD. Anyway, now it starts)

TW: Mentions of fires, cannibalism, body dysmorphia and burned buildings.

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Ugly Doll

"..?"

"….And i hate everyone that´s around me. 

A part of me knows ill never find love. Because the day I find the most beautiful girl in the world, I´ll hate her. 

I´ll hate how when I look at her I´ll know she´s gorgeous. 

Ill hate how I´ll know that in the instant she walks into a room she lights it up with a divine light. Ill hate how I´ll know everyone is looking at her, admiring her, loving her. 

I´ll be just another one. Another one thats been ignored, another one with envy.

I´ll hate how everyone else will have the chance to take her away from me, because i just can´t compete. I´ll hate how much I´ll have to pretend im worth of her. 

I will hate myself every day as I´ll be hating her. I´ll hate myself everyday I'll have to kiss her, while hating her. I´ll hate how her lips will be always soft and sweet, how her hair will dance and how her body will sing. I´ll hate how pretty she is, compare to the disgusting me. I´ll hate how much I´ll hate her. I´ll hate that I´ll never be loved like someone as pretty as her. I´ll hate that noone will never hate me as how much I´ll hate her. I´LL HATE. I´LL HATE.

I HATE MYSELF

I HATE HOW I LOOK AROUND WAITING TO SEE SOMEONE BELOW ME, JUST TO FEEL LIKE IM ONE STEP ABOVE. FEELING PEACE BEFORE I FALL AGAIN IN HATE. EVERYONE HAS LOVE IN THEIR EYES WHILE MINE ARE DYING FROM BEHIND THE CROWD. I hate how everyone can smile without hiding in the backseat. I hate how everyone else ignite the primitive instict of a monster, burning themselves with the warm fire of death. I hate how even for cannibals im disgusting. Between monsters im the leftovers.

I know what im saying, im not blind like others. LIKE OTHERS. I hate that my voice is just as annoying. I hate how i look in the memories around me. I hate how i am perceived (Thats not me) I hate what i see. I hate what I hear, because i dont believe. I hate. I hate. I hate me. 

Save.

Save me.

Please. 

Those...dolls. it would be better if they never existed. Those clones of myself. Those with my hair, my skin, my eyes, my heart and my smile. Those manufactered dolls well made. Pretty airbushed painted face and shiny plastic glittered hair. Those pretty dolls that out of the box they shine. The loved dolls that everyone likes. Where am I? Have my dull and empty heart been a mistake from the beggining? How fun. They´ll burn. 

Gosh, Im gross.

Im an ugly doll". 

...

The audio coming from that creature finished. A strange, glitched, low quality audio that was coming from a box inside her hollow chest. 

I remember her burned hair strands, and her cracked porcelain face... So this is what a fire does to the flesh.

She was looking at me, indecisive. I had those eyes before. She does not want hope, she fears it. With hope, the fall hurts more. So she was waiting for what she already knows, for what she´s used to. 

I pressed the audio box again, but it was an accident. 

"Ple-"

Didn´t get to finish hearing it this time. How scary, and gross. I left her on the floor of that burned factory where i found her. Between dirt and the leftovers of what the fire took away.

How strange... it took everything, except for her.

-Ugly doll. by Koi 

xd