Vent

TW self harm, please scroll away if you are sensitive to this topic. 

I relapsed. It feels so weird to type that out. I panicked, I was so upset and overwhelmed with emotion and nothing else was working. Drawing, scrolling tiktok, music, games, all the usual things that work just weren't working anymore. I didn't know what else to do, I felt so much like I was drowning that all I could think to do was self harm. 

I haven't relapsed in years, I've been so good with taking care of myself. I've been so good at finding other ways to cope with my extreme emotions and stress. I just faltered this time, I really faltered this time. 

I'm worried my boyfriend will find out, that he'll see and freak. He keeps asking me if I'm okay and I don't know how to tell him. I know him finding it will be worse than me telling him. I don't want him to think he did anything wrong. I don't want him to think that he is a bad partner. 

I'm tired, I'm going to try to sleep, maybe that will help. 

If you read this far, thank you for reading and please know I'm sending you all my positive vibes. Please know you deserve all the love and kindness the world has to give.