vent

i cannot stand having a body. i don’t want to eat anything. i don’t want to drink anything. i don’t want to clean myself. i hate feeling hungry. i hate feeling full. i hate feeling nauseous. i hate feeling dizzy. i hate feeling unclean. i hate the feeling of water on my skin. i hate the heat and i hate the cold. i hate any and every bodily sensation. i wish i could be in a permanently neutral state, where i feel nothing and don’t need to do anything. i’m terrible at being a human. taking care of myself is hard. i automatically ignore cues from my body (like hunger, or thirst, or exhaustion) until i physically can’t anymore. eating makes me sick. food repulses me. drinking water is irritating. i isolate myself. socializing exhausts me. i don’t like being touched. i have zero sexual desire. zero desire to reproduce. i feel like the worst candidate for being born into a human body.