Vent about interactions, social ques and "human decency"

I don't think this modern world is fit for me. Being kind and givin respect is cool but I wish people gave me chances whenever I say something wrong or disgusting even when it wasn't meant to hurt someone. 

Not like saying "you're too emotional" or "you're too sensitive" but making jokes that are crude but weren't made to insult someone like "do u want me to touch ur titz X3" or any crude shit like that.

I know no one is supposed to owe me an explanation for this type of stuff, but I really want to know if that shit hurt them, so I won't do it again, instead of getting blocked or unfriended without an explanation. I don't have the privilege of human decency, being raised in an environment where people would snitch on me for shit they'd do in school, or being raised by a dad who would throw a fit over low mark exams or saying something that isn't even meant to be rude or doesn't follow Islam (especially using lessons from the religion to defend himself).

It's why I really don't like being sensitive in general or preach morals because I ain't so bright myself, and I want to speak for myself instead of shouting opinions I got from others. And I really hate being told what to do in general aside from moral policing from strangers on the internet. Life's too weird for me to care about what I need to do in today's world when it never helped me as someone who suffers OCD of being clean personality wise.

Really don't like to have myself as a "caution, do not interact" sign for stuff like that. I thought we are supposed to live life as it flows, not as how it is supposed to go. Sorry but I hate having a model or survival guide in life as a necessity. I ain't squeaky clean, so please tell me what I said that hurt YOU, not anyone else, but YOU, instead of thinking I say these things because you're just another person of gender, sexuality, or anything like that. I hate seeing women as women and men as men, because I treat them like people instead of what people think of when it comes to their gender, and I believe people should first be themselves and then choose to be kind, not the other way around.

I want to be myself even if the worst of me gets to me, so I can let people trust me for who I am and what I'm all about. If I fucked up, don't be afraid to say so. I'm not just another asshole, I'm ME.

So please tell ME what I did to hurt you because I give a shit, and when you tell me I won't do it because I hate hurting others without knowing it does.

Thanks for reading this.